Pool Cue News and Review

…Does that mean it actually exists? That is the burning question with the vaporware otherwise known as “9-Ball”. Not that anyone actually cares about this anymore, but according to a recent press release from Main Street Productions, this trainwreck is actually scheduled to start shooting principal photography at Universal Studios in June. In a move to further doom this flick to laughable, the production company has cast three more pro pool players to join “stars” Jennifer Barretta and Jennifer Layne Park. I totally can’t wait to see Feral Girl #2 from The Hoax in a leading role.

So here’s the latest for those keeping score: Number of actual actors in this movie - 1 (sort of). The movie appears to also have an exec producer on board although Ralph Clemente has never produced a movie you’ve ever heard of.

Seriously, does anyone actually care about this movie? I’m posting about it because I’m an ass, not because I have any actual interest in seeing this movie. I really don’t get the whole Jennifer Barretta thing to begin with, but I guess I’m in the minority on that one, at least in the pool biz. So, for all you looking forward to this flick, here are some rough cut shots of what to expect from this gem (assuming it ever gets finished).

Not a good day for the hotties. Sarah lost a close 9-7 match to The Hoff and Liz got crushed by a steamrolling Monica Webb, just off a 9-2 thrashing of Morgan Steinman. That throws these two into the one loss bracket, which is turning into a virtual calendar of WPBA pinups. Along with Rousey and Ford, Jasmin Ouschan, Jennifer Barretta, Ewa Laurence, Tiffany Nelson, and Rachael Abbink (who sometimes looks unreal and other times looks well… not her freshest) are all on the one loss side.

One of the survivors of a brutal second round was Anna Kostanian, who’s playing lights out pool. Unfortunately, she’s matched up against Kelly Fisher which means we’ll likely see her on the one loss side shortly. The match I’m looking forward to though is Liz taking on Angel Paglia, assuming Angel can get past Miyuki Sakai. Holy schneikes!!

Well, there are all of two events being broadcast on ESPN/ESPN2 this month. The rest has been pushed over to ESPN FILLER …err CLASSIC. Not surprisingly, the only events on the big stations are trick shot shows. Here’s what we’ve got for professional pool on ESPN for the rest of March 2008:

03/17/08
MON 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
HOLLYWOOD, FL USA
MELISSA HERNDON vs. JULIE KELLY
QUARTERFINAL #2
TAPE: 09/12/04

03/18/08
TUE 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
HOLLYWOOD, FL USA
JEANETTE LEE vs. DAWN HOPKINS
QUARTERFINAL #3
TAPE: 09/12/04

03/19/08
WED 03:30A 04:00A 2007 MEN’S TRICK SHOT MAGIC BILLIARDS
ESPN2

03/19/08
WED 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
HOLLYWOOD, FL USA
JEANNIE SEAVER vs. ALLISON FISHER
QUARTERFINAL #4
TAPE: 09/12/04

03/19/08
WED 03:30P 04:30P 2007 MEN’S TRICK SHOT MAGIC BILLIARDS
ESPN2

03/20/08
THU 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
HOLLYWOOD, FL USA
JENNIFER BARRETTA vs. JULIE KELLY
SEMIFINAL #1
TAPE: 09/12/04

03/21/08
FRI 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
HOLLYWOOD, FL USA
JEANETTE LEE vs. ALLISON FISHER
SEMIFINAL #2
TAPE: 09/12/04

03/22/08
SAT 11:00A 12:00P WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
HOLLYWOOD, FL USA
JULIE KELLY vs. JEANETTE LEE
FINALS
TAPE: 09/12/04

03/24/08
MON 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
9-BALL CHAMPIONSHIP
LINCOLN CITY, OR USA
GERDA HOFSTATTER vs. KELLY FISHER
SEMIFINAL #1

03/25/08
TUE 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
9-BALL CHAMPIONSHIP
LINCOLN CITY, OR USA
GERDA HOFSTATTER vs. ALLISON FISHER
SEMIFINAL #2

03/26/08
WED 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CLASSIC TOUR
ESPN CLASSIC
9-BALL CHAMPIONSHIP
LINCOLN CITY, OR USA
GERDA HOFSTATTER vs. KAREN CORR
CHAMPIONSHIP

03/27/08
THU 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CAROLINA CLASSIC
ESPN CLASSIC
ROCKY MOUNT, NC USA
KAREN CORR vs. MONICA WEBB
SEMIFINAL #1

03/28/08 FRI 10:00A 11:00A WPBA CAROLINA CLASSIC
ESPN CLASSIC
ROCKY MOUNT, NC USA
KAREN CORR vs. HELENA THORNFELDT
SEMIFINAL #2

03/29/08 SAT 11:00A 12:00P T 2005 WPBA CAROLINA CLASSIC
ESPN CLASSIC
ROCKY MOUNT, NC USA
ALLISON FISHER vs. HELENA THORNFELDT
CHAMPIONSHIP

Armageddon arrives in just 6 days. That’s right folks, that bastion of billiards decadence, The Super Billiards Expo in scenic King of Prussia, PA. If the BCA League Nationals are the Ringling Bros. of billiards events, The Super Billiards Expo is more like the filthy traveling circus that you find in backwater towns.

“Come see the Parade of Sweatsuits! Get in Fist Fights with the Local Townies! Stay Up All Night Drinking and Whoring! Only at The Super Billiards Expo!”

Look, I know everyone loves the Super Billiards Expo, but personally I think this event represents everything that is wrong with pool. I haven’t decided if I’m going down there or not, simply because I have such a love/hate feeling for this event. For anyone who hasn’t been, I recommend that you check it out once just for the sheer amusement factor. Between the full sweatsuits, the mountains of gold chains and the toothless grins, there’s enough people watching fodder to last a lifetime. It also happens to be a place where you’ll see most of the major pro and amateur names in pool, as there are a couple of decent money events for both categories. Last time I was there, I saw Jennifer Barretta, Johnny Archer, Karen Corr, Julie Kelly, even Grady Mathews. On the amateur side, Pam Treadway and Morgan Steinman were battling it out for the amateur title, although I think they’re both pros now. I should also mention that Dawn and most of the staff at the event are really nice folks.

Now for the nightmarish downside of the Expo. Walking down the stairs to the lower level where all the tables are is a unique circle of hell. The smoke you see isn’t from special effects machines… its from the cancer convention that runs all day and all night in there. I don’t mind a little smoke, but when I come out of a place and my shirt is yellowed from all the smoke, that’s a bit much. Also, don’t be shocked if some drunk fucktard wants to throw down with you for no apparent reason. And get used to the regular announcements over the loudspeaker of some poor slob who got robbed, because you’ll hear them on a regular basis.

One other thing worth mentioning… if you’re in the market for new gear and live in the area, it is worth checking out. There are tons of vendors there selling just about everything you can think of and you’re likely to get some unbelievable deals. Just stay away from that stupid Ice Nightclub in the Scanticon. Its way overpriced and the DJ licks balls. Go to Kildare’s instead. It isn’t far from the hotel, good food, nice people, free flowing Guinness and its St. Patrick’s Day Weekend for fuck’s sake!

I don’t know about you, but I’m a bit tired of hearing over and over that Jennifer Barretta is the only hot girl in pool. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good lookin’ lady, but there are so many others that are either just as hot or hotter than Jennifer. That being said, I present to you the The Top Five Sexiest Pro Pool Players Who Aren’t Jennifer Barretta list.

#5. Angelina Paglia

Aside from being exceptionally foxy, Angel plays on the WPBA tour and is currently ranked #36 according to WPBA.com. She’s been a touring pro since 2004 and is extremely generous with her time, lending her name to numerous charitable causes. I’d link to her site, but since she doesn’t seem to have one anymore, no dice on that option.
To be continued next time I get around to posting…