Pool Cue News and Review

So after a few weeks of not really dieting and sort of going to the gym, I’ve found that my fat factor has held firm at 198 lbs. I’ve tried the shortcuts… green tea extract (lame), hoodia (total waste of dough) and even Alli (ugh, you don’t even want to know) but after watching the other guy from Charles in Charge and freakin’ Tina Yothers drop like 30 lbs each in 8 weeks on Celebrity Fit Club, I’ve got no excuses left. Shit, even Screech lost like 25 lbs. By the way, can I say that I totally dig Tina Yothers. She seems like just about the nicest chick on the planet and is miles away from being that weird teenager walking around with live beetles for jewelry.

So anyway, I’m doing the Fat Smash diet (hate you Dr. Ian!) and working out daily now. No grains, just fruits and veggies with a little meat for like the first two weeks. This shit is way lame, but if I’m gonna rock my board shorts and Tom Selleck chest mullet this summer at APA Nationals (like I’m good enough to play anything but APA), I can’t be chasin’ the ladies off shakin’ my gut like a giant bowl of pudding.

So anyway, I felt like I was gonna pass out at the gym today thanks to my hearty breakfast of egg whites, onions, peppers and salsa but vanity (or the desire to not be called “bitch tits”) always seems to win out.

Springtime is here and if I’m gonna fit into that Speedo in time for the APA Nationals, I better start thinking about getting in shape. I keep hearing that everyone loves a fat guy, but I think they mean love to hang out with, not love to make bang time with. Granted, I’m not as fat as this guy, but I need to get my fat ass to the gym regardless.

So with that, I give you my Fatboy Workout Regimen to be updated until a giant plate of jalepeno poppers and buffalo wings gets the better of me.

Vitals
Weight: 200 lbs
Smokes: Not Anymore (see how long that lasts)
Drinks: Cutting down to only getting hammered on weekends

The Workout Playlist
Rock ‘n Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution - AC/DC
Walk - Pantera
Regular John - Queens of the Stone Age
Stranglehold - Ted Nugent
Ace of Spades - Motörhead
OPP - Naughty By Nature
Iron Man - Sabbath
Hypnotize - Biggie
Rooster - Alice in Chains
Tuesday’s Gone - Skynard

Current Player: Ghetto iPod Nano

The Regimen (3 sets / 10 slow reps)
Bicep Curls: 80 lbs
Tricep Curls: 84 lbs
Biangular Bench: 112 lbs
Butterfly Pecs: 134 lbs
Biangular Lat Pulldown: 137 lbs
Seated Leg Curls: 108 lbs
Stairmaster or Bike: 30 minutes