Stuff Pool Players Like #8: Being Called Kid
Never in my life have I seen so many grown men wanting people to call them “kid”. The South Dakota Kid, Kid Irish, The Michigan Kid and of course Efren “Bata” Reyes with Bata translating from Tagalog to, you guessed it, kid. I mean seriously, dude is 55 years old. He’s old enough to join AARP, but his nickname is still “kid”. Even better though is when the same nickname is given to more than one person. The Cincinnati Kid apparently is Donny Anderson, some cat by the name of Joey Spaeth and another guy named Don Willis (plus, it was a supercool movie with Steve McQueen).
Now not all “kid” nicknames are completely retarded (or for you Bostonians, retaaaaaaaaaded). Case in point, Kid Delicious. I love self deprecating nicknames. Anyone who has enough of a sense of humor to make fun of themselves is alright in my book. I mean come on, a fat guy calling himself Kid Delicious is pretty classic. Sure, its not as funny as Joel Pryzbilla’s nickname of “the vanilla gorilla”, but still, pretty damn funny. Of course what would be funnier is if he considered the fact that he’s now a man (instead of a kid) and changed his nickname to Manlicious. The rest of the “kid” nicknames, totally weak.
As the story goes, nicknames are mostly given in the pool halls. Bata of course makes sense because Efren Reyes was apparently always hanging out in the pool hall as a kid, so they just referred to his as the kid (assuming here that he was probably the only kid that made a habit of chillin in the pool hall). For the rest of these guys though, puh-lease. Are we really expected to believe that while Shane Van Boring was hustling chumps in the Dakotas, the guys around him would say, “oooh, you best watch out for that guy… he’s the South Dakota Kid dontchaknow. You don’t want none of that, trust me. That there South Dakota Kid can play.”
As for me, well you know I have nicknames a plenty. Douchebag, asshole and of course my favorite (from my buddy Tons-o-Fun), creepy WPBA stalker. And the reason they’re nicknames? Because people bestowed them upon me. I tried creating my own nickname , but it didn’t seem to stick. Mostly because not enough people could say the word malevolent or they thought it was some sort of vampire. And despite what the mainstream media keeps telling you, vampires are super lame. Werewolves on the other hand, totally awesome.
Being from Minnesota, I found it funny that Joel Pryzbilla made your column and not pool player Jimmy “The Kid” Wetch. Over 40 and still playing great, Jimmy got his nickname more than 25 years ago. In my opinion no “Kid” nickname article would be complete without mentioning the great Mr. Wetch.
Mike “F-Bomb” Fieldhammer (from dating Samm “Cherry Bomb” Diep)
I keep telling you all, I don’t know the names of guys who play pool. I know Johnny Archer, Earl, Shane van Boring, the guy who dates Gail Glazebrook and the guy who got a hummer from a tranny. Oh, and that guy who imports players from the motherland and forgets to get them visas. I’ve heard of that guy too. I do know a bit of basketball though. I was going to put in the original Vanilla Gorilla (Brad Lohaus), but I figured no one would know who I was talking about (because Joel Pryzbillla’s totally a household name).